Friday, January 10, 2014

Artist's Rant

Winter Walk Inspiration

Art has been my main vocation for around 15 years. But art has been a part of my entire life, as least as far back as I can remember. I'm nearly 44 now, so that's a long time as far as I'm concerned.

I've tried to be lots of things beside being an artist. In fact, at times I'd rather be anything than be an artist.  It's not that it hasn't been a great gig. It's not that it hasn't put food on my table, paid my mortgage, and paid for a vacation or two. It's allowed me a flexible schedule and to raise kids first and foremost, and keep most of my sanity by only working part time.

But I'm going to spill a secret, and I'm hoping, just hoping, there may be others that feel the same....

I don't make art because it's fun. I don't make art because it is always relaxing. I make art because I HAVE to-  no, I don't mean just to earn a living, because there are many other career paths I could have taken. When people say they love making art, I do get it. I remember when I was a kid I loved making art. It was and still can be meditation, but attaching the word fun and love to it now isn't quite the right definition. 

Being creative is a compulsion for me. It's serious. It's left and right brained work. Maybe that's why I don't mass produce art. It's not about me being's about capturing a perfect moment or a message or bringing an idea alive. I create constantly. If I'm not physically creating something, I'm creating in my mind. It is like trying to ignore a perpetual mosquito bite.

The need to create "beauty" as it is seen through my eyes in that moment is overwhelmingly important. I'm not frenetic about it, I'm actually pretty calm and centered about it. But it has to be done in some manner, in some medium. Like breathing, I just can't not do it. I have a hard time explaining it, even to myself. 

Why do I do it then? What do I get out of it? I do love being in the present. I love walking, gathering inspiration, seeing the perfection of the natural world. I am in love with that feeling of being in the moment- actually the feeling of after the moment, because when you are in the moment you don't recognize it until you are out of it. The hard part is bringing back that moment and creating something tangible that will invite another to see something maybe they've never REALLY seen before. To help them put on artist eyes for a second and invite them in, and hopefully let them experience a moment of their own.

What is this desire to capture a moment, a piece of earthly perfection, a lens into my world....which at times doesn't feel like "my" world?  
When I'm fully immersed I feel like I'm just an instrument sharing a piece of the bigger picture.
I'm getting pretty deep now. If it's not my world, my work... Whose is it? What is the purpose?

As an artist I  search for answers to these and other questions. I have internal struggles, an internal rebellion, at times feel those "tortured soul"  attributes of being an artist. Well, those are my thoughts today.

Rant over...back to creating. 

No comments:

Post a Comment